Tag: family abuse
September 10, 1996 was the day I found God, or, God found me, to be exact. Prior to that date, I was a miserable person, who lived her life for a mortal, who, no matter what I did, or how hard I tried, was never satisfy.
For fourteen years I was trying to please this person (my step-father), but to no avail. In the meantime, my mother was caught in the middle. She has been mentally and verbally abused all the years she was married to him. She would have left him a long time ago, but with the little education she had, she didn’t know where to go. So she stayed for her children’s sake. She was miserable, too, and turned to alcohol to drown her pains. Then she took her frustration out on me.
I had moved out after staying with them for four years ( I moved from Thailand to the U.S.) She would called and complaints of how we (my sister and I )never did her proud, etc, in spite the fact that we had never gotten into any trouble, nor did we ever do drugs, nor did we ever drink, (with the exception of my brother).
By then I had just broken up with my boyfriend. Looking back, I couldn’t blame him for leaving me. I didn’t think anyone was capable of handling my emotional overloads. I cried all the time. My mom and my step-father didn’t realize what their verbal put down were doing to me. My sister just blocked the whole ordeal out of her mind entirely. I, on the other hand, was feeling depressed and contemplated committing suicide.
On the last weekend of August, my friend Lisa, who lives in Oklahoma, and has become a born again Christian, called me out of the blue, inviting me to go to visit her and her children. I said O.K.. Then I hatched a plan of how I was going to leave this miserable world of mine. I was going to visit her for a day and a night, then I was going to drive off into the one-way traffic and get it over with. I didn’t tell anyone about it, but left a note for my brother, who was sharing a house with me, to feed my two dogs. That was all.
I made it to Lisa’s house, and as usual, she was trying to convert me to become a Christian (I was a Bhudist). I was annoyed, but politely listen to her, all the while thinking, Oh, yeah, if your God is so great, then why did he allow all the war, poverty, and hunger to go on in the world? I thought she had lost her mind. We talked a bit more, then said good night.
I stayed in a guest room but could not sleep. The pain inside was too much to bear. Then around mid-night came the thunder storm, which was not in the forecast. It was loud, it shook the foundation of the house. The lights went out. Summer, the youngest daughter cried. I saw Lisa walked pass my room with the flashlight to fetch the milk for her daughter. I was wide awake.
Suddenly a loud, booming voice just came out of nowhere. WAIT, said the voice. It came on three times. Each time “the voice” was accompanied by the lightening and the thunder, yet I could hear it clearly. “The voice” was powerful, majestic, commanding, and yet loving at the same time. I was scared. I thought the house was haunted, and I thought that Steve, Lisa’s husband was playing a trick on me, you know, trying to convert me, but Steve’s voice was like that of Mike Tyson’s, so it wasn’t him. I tried to find other explainations, but couldn’t. So, I waited until daylight before ran out of the room into the kitchen, where Lisa was sitting.
I told Lisa of “the voice”, and that I was going to commit suicide that day. Lisa got up and hugged me. We both cried. She said, “Panna, I think that was God, trying to communicate with you. You should have got down on your knees and ask HIM what he wants you to do.” I said, “Lisa, I was so freaked out, I didn’t know what to do, besides, why would GOD want to talk to me? I’m not religious and I’m not even a Christian.”
She told me to trust her, that was GOD telling me to WAIT, for things will get better. Then she and I said a prayer together. The thought of committing suicide was gone. I felt relieved. I felt that I was loved all along. I just didn’t think of reaching out for that infinite and unconditional love. I thought I could handle it on my own.
I drove home, feeling as if the mountain of guilt, burden, and misery has been lifted. I felt free for the first time in a long time. I was going to live my life for GOD, no longer for a mortal. I forgave my step-father for putting my family down. He didn’t know the pains he had caused, because he was not happy with himself. And he didn’t know GOD the way his mother wanted him to know.
I stopped by to visit my mother that afternoon. She had divoced him. It took lots of courage from her, and lots of encouraging from us, her children, that she was going to be fine. We’ll take care of her. She is finally free.
In her divorce settlement, she got a 10 acres and cash. She bought a mobile home and parked on the land, adjacent to her former home with him. He still stops by from time to time. They agreed to be friends. But he’ll never change.
The day I stopped by, he was in her living room, ranting about how she should live her life, how her children were going to abandon her, how she was going to be alone and become homeless, and how stupid she was. She told him that someday someone is going to do to him what he did to her and her children. He rants on.
I opened the door and walked in. He turned around to say hi and excused himself out of my mother’s house, JUST LIKE THAT! I didn’t have to say anything to him anymore. GOD did it all for me. I told my mom of the experience. She apologized to me for the pain she had caused me and my sister. I told her I forgave her and she is free now, and that she needs not to drink anymore. Just ask God to guide her. She did. I’m at peace with myself now. There will be trial and tribulations ahead, but I’m not afraid, because I know GOD is looking out for me.
My step-father went on and married a woman from China, whom he met on the internet. She was a corporate lawyer, and she is a control freak. He has met his match. KARMA came true. My mom still drinks from time to time. She goes to the temple more often now. She still is a Bhudist at heart.
I became a highly spiritual person, not religious, but spiritual. Four years later, I saw JESUS in my room, TWICE!!! That’s another story. Someday I will tell you all about it. For now, GOD bless you, believers.
This story was submitted by “P.” from AR.